Photograph by Stuart Bass
By Clayton Warren, Vitals contributor
A dedicated team of caregivers at Sutter’s Alta Bates Summit Medical Center in Oakland helped support a dream come true for a special wedding couple. Joe Dea has been a patient at Alta Bates Summit since December and is now receiving palliative care. Dea and his partner Melissa Force have been together for 25 years living busy professional lives and with family scattered across the country, the couple didn’t prioritize or put any pressure on themselves to get married.
But after Dea received a life-ending prognosis from his oncologist, the couple decided that they wanted to legally get married. Knowing Dea’s physical limitations and the necessity to move this idea forward, Alta Bates Summit nurse practitioner Maddison Eshoo, who specializes in palliative care, and social worker Sheila Butler quickly went to work putting together a plan to coordinate a legal virtual wedding ceremony that would take place in Dea’s hospital room.
“I am eternally grateful to Maddison and Sheila for doing all the research and legal legwork to help make this wedding possible,” said Force. “Joe really wanted to stage an official wedding and the Alta Bates Summit staff were able to take this request and make it happen in 24 hours.”
Eshoo and Butler contacted the Alameda County Clerk-Recorder’s office to arrange the necessary paperwork and shared all the details about this couple’s special circumstances so that they could fast-track and coordinate a legal virtual ceremony that could take place at Dea’s bedside.
Alta Bates Summit Chaplain Crystal Larsen officiated the event that was attended by a small group of Dea and Force’s close friends and relatives. There was a special wedding cake and Force had a bouquet of flowers.
“One of Joe’s close friends unfortunately died several years ago, and his wife gave us their wedding rings,” said Force. “So many people thoughtfully contributed to making this the best wedding day possible.”
Force said that Dea really wanted to get married, and he became quite emotional during the ceremony.
“Joe barely had a voice during the wedding, but he shared all of his heartfelt thoughts and mentioned everything that was important to him,” Force said. “Joe got what he really wanted and I’m so glad that he got to experience that joy.”
Bringing Joy to Patients and their Families
When members of a patient’s health care team come together to plan such celebrations for patients, it shows how much they care about their patients as individuals and see them as people, beyond their diagnosis.
“This was a wedding that celebrated Joe and Melissa’s life together, and everything they achieved and accomplished over the last 25 years,” says Eshoo. “Our team feels privileged to be part of Joe and Melissa’s journey and help make this important occasion happen for them.”
